Proverbs 16:21-32

Discussion Questions

1. God’s wisdom seeks heart transformation, not behavior modification. How do these things differ?
2. Why do you believe that we are all so eager to speak in our culture today? What would it look like for us to listen more and speak less?
3. Verse 21 links wisdom with discernment. What is discernment and how is it linked to wisdom?
4. God’s word is clear in how NOT to use our Words…Rashly, Deceitfully, Boastfully, or Manipulatively. Which one of these made you squirm? Confess this to the Lord and ask for more recognition of this in your life.
5. God WANTS us to use our words…Gently, Sparingly, Thoughtfully, and Truthfully. Who comes to mind when you hear these words?
6. Humor and sarcasm are word-cousins. What is the difference? How can one be life-giving and one be hurtful?

Transcript

We’re studying through books of the Bible here at the Village Chapel, I know that’s no small surprise to you. Raise your hand if you’d like a paper copy of the Bible to follow through, and someone will deliver it or you can use our Wi-Fi info up on the screen and, if you wish, you can even scan the QR code and grab the notes and the quotes.

So, we are continuing our six-week study in the book of Proverbs today which we are calling The Wisdom and the Ways of God, and our topic today is Using Words Wisely. Words matter. Words matter. A few years ago, when the boys were pretty young, one Christmas Eve, I was down in the basement, I don’t know, about 3:30 in the morning assembling a basketball goal for young Sam. Well, we’d come to Christmas Eve services here at the church, and then we’d gone to a party at a friend’s house. I think we got home about midnight or so and, here it is, 3:30 in the morning, trying to put together this basketball goal. And it had this middle pole and the rim and backboard, and it had this plastic base at the bottom and on the top of the base was a hole with a cap on it. And you’d fill the base, since it was so light, you’d fill the base with water and put the cap on.

Well, either I didn’t read the directions correctly … Who needs directions guys? Am I right? Come on. Who needs directions, words? Well, it turns out they matter because, about the time that I’m connecting the base to the pole and I start looking for the little hole and the cap to put the water in, I realize I have irrevocably and permanently put the base on upside down and there’s no way to change it and I had to drill an extra hole on the top to put the water in and, of course, it’s leaking out the bottom and there’s definitely some very non-Christmassy words floating around the basement.

And I got to tell you, literally, as the sun is coming up, I finally had that thing put together, and I’m wheeling it out of the basement hoping and praying that the boys don’t see me putting that basketball goal up outside. That goal never worked very well, and I told Sam when he turned 18, I had told him the whole story, which I did – all that to say words matter. Oh, my gosh, words matter. And I’ve named our study today Listen to Understand, Speak to Serve.

Last summer, Tommy Bailey and Chris Parker and I were taking a seminary class up at Covenant and our professor started the week off with those instructions. He said, “Folks, as we get into this week, listen to understand, speak to serve,” and, boy, that has just universal application, doesn’t it? Whether it’s marriage or friendship, conflict resolution, business meetings, staff meetings, a dinner party, it has both motivation and action in it. Listen to understand, speak to serve.

James, the Lord’s brother, said something similar in the first chapter of his epistle. He said, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God,” and, boy, isn’t that just so opposite to our cultural moment right now. We definitely are not a culture that is quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. Many people these days, they just can’t listen because they are so eager to speak and express themselves. And then, when you respond to them, if it’s something that they don’t agree with, they are very quick to express anger and outrage.

Well, as we work our way through our study this morning, I’ve got three questions. As we’re considering this idea of listening to understand, speaking to serve, using words wisely, I’ve got three questions that I’d like you to keep percolating in the back of your mind and consider how you would answer these. How do you speak to God? How do you speak to others? How do you speak to yourself? So, keep those going in the back burner while we study.

Last week, Pastor Jim gave us such a great introduction to this book. A very thorough, great overview on why it’s important to study this book of wisdom. And we’ve all been reading this commentary on Proverbs by Ray Ortlund, and he’s got this quote that I found. He says, “What God is going after through this book is change deep inside our hearts. His wisdom sinks in as we mull over these biblical proverbs slowly and thoughtfully. We need multiple exposures over time.” I know we’ve been talking about reading a chapter of Proverbs every day. “We need multiple exposures over time. This book is not a quick fix. It is ancient wisdom from long human experience endorsed by God himself. If we’ll play close attention, God will graciously make us into profound people.”

Oh, that’s just delightful news, isn’t it? Well, this wisdom, it’s easily accessible. Pastor Jim called it wisdom on the bottom shelf, and what’s great about this wisdom is that it’s available to everyone, believer and non-believer alike. You can put this wisdom on like clothing and just get the benefits of it from your whole life long. But God’s wisdom has a deeper layer to it, doesn’t it? It’s much deeper than just a cloak you put on. It’s deeper than just a “how to” book … Not arguing with you talking about wisdom for dummies, by the way. That’s not contradicting that, that was such a great point.

But it’s more than rules of conduct; what God is always after is not behavior modification. Heart transformation is what He’s longing for and this repeated returning to this book gets this wisdom going in our heart. Developing wisdom is different than acquiring knowledge. So, knowledge, it’s raw data, it’s facts. You might say that knowledge is all the raw ingredients you need to bake a birthday cake. But there’s a difference in having a vast storehouse of raw data, a big old pantry full of flour and sugar and spices; there’s a difference between that and being able to use and apply all those ingredients and use a recipe to put them together in the right amount and in the right order to come up with this delicious cake.

And wisdom, that’s how we apply that knowledge. Wisdom is the recipe that we use to bake the cake out of all those raw ingredients. Wisdom is skill for living. And here’s another great definition for the nuanced difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is having a good sense not to put a tomato into a fruit salad. Am I right? Yes.

So, we might have a vast wealth of knowledge, but do we have wisdom to apply that knowledge especially when it comes to the use of our words? The apostle Paul, in First Corinthians 13 said, “If I can speak in the tongues of men and angels but I have not love, I’m just a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.” In the first nanosecond, tenth of a nanosecond of creation, when God created the cosmos, we see the strength of the spoken word over and over again. In the first chapter of Genesis, you see the phrase “and God said….” God said, God called, God created, finally culminating in verse 26 where He said, “Let us create man in our own image.” God created everything out of nothing using His words.

And John, in the first chapter of his book says this about Jesus: He’s the Word of God. “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. …All things were made through him… And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” The Word of God. The fact that we even speak at all is a sign that God made us. Words mark us as “imago dei,” made in the image of God, different and distinct in God’s creation. Even though we’re on the same side of the created line as dolphins and donuts; we are different. We’re distinct because we’re made in God’s image, because we have words.

Well, if God is the sovereign creator and ruler of the universe, then He’s going to have something to say about how we live. It is His right because He created us. And we say this often about sexuality: that, because God created us in His image, because He created us as sexual beings, He has a say in our humanity and how we express our sexuality. He has a say in that. It’s the same thing with our words. Because He’s our sovereign creator, because He gave us this ability to talk and speak and think and use words, He is going to have a say in how we use those words.

More than any other subject, say, the overarching subject of wisdom, Proverbs deals with words and how we use them. And why is this so important to God? Because words have so much power. When words are deployed, they are just nigh unstoppable for good or harm; they have so much power. Think about it, the reason why a good standup comedian makes us laugh so hard is because of the words he uses, he or she uses words that have context and meaning. Words have meaning. And why a great song lyric or a well-crafted story can just move us to tears, because words have power.

And let’s look at James again, what he says about the power of the tongue. “If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he’s a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole body as well. … So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! …no human being can tame the tongue. … With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” [James 3:2-10]

Boy, that last verse in there makes me squirm some because I see that in myself. There’s so much power in words. Tim Muehlhoff wrote this in a 2021 blog on reclaiming the power of words: “One of the significant problems of modern society is our careless handling and tossing about of words. How do we begin to cultivate civility in a communication climate immersed in vitriol? To start, we must remind ourselves of the ability of our words to deeply confirm or disconfirm another. As Christian communicators, [that’s all of us in this room; we are Christian communicators] we must particularly embrace how seriously God takes human language.”

Wow. Words matter. God has a say. He has a plan, an idea of how we should use words both on this basic level of, man, if you use words this way, you’re going to have benefits from it. If you use them this way, you’re going to have consequences. But there’s such a deeper level of how, as believers, He wants us to use our words. Let’s pray, Church, and then I’ll lead us through this short chapter, Proverbs 16:21-32.

Lord, we come to You this morning wanting to hear from You. Oh, Your word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Show us Your ways of Lord, teach us Your paths, guide us in Your truth and teach us for You are God our Savior and our hope is in You this morning and all this day long. In Jesus’ name, amen.

So, Proverbs 16, there’s some great contrast. There are 12 verses in this little passage that we chose, and it’s broken up into these little sections, four verses and then two, four verses and then two and it alternates, it contrasts between the benefits of wisdom and the pursuit of righteousness and then the alternative of foolishness and the pursuit of destructive behavior. Verse 21. “The wise of heart is called discerning and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly. The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

So, those first four verses, we get this idea of discernment. When we pursue wisdom, we’re discerning it’s that ability to apply knowledge. Our words, being sweet and persuasive, there’s a way that we can use our words that is easy for the listener to hear and, when we’re in conflict with someone, that’s important. So important when we’re having a conversation with our non-believing neighbor who may have serious issues about God and the church and Christianity, sweet and persuasive speech, easy for the listener to hear.

Talking about the commonsense wisdom that is a fountain of life and the wise of heart: “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious.” Hard to say. Out of the heart comes the words of the mouth, right? If you’re wise on the inside, it’s going to work its way out. Gracious lips: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Our words can be lifegiving, both to ourselves and to our friends and our neighbors. So, the next two verses emphasize some of our basic desires and decisions.

Verse 25. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. A worker’s appetite works for him, his mouth urges him on.” If we are shortsighted and unwise, we’re not going to be able to discern what is good and bad even as we make our decisions. There’s a benefit to pursuing wisdom. And this thought about the appetite of the laborer urging him on – we all have desires, hungers and the foolish does not give thought to what is driving them on. But as we pursue wisdom and yield ourselves to the Holy Spirit, we’re able to take a step back and look and be aware of what we’re hungering for, what is driving us and whether God wants us to pursue that or not.

The next four verses, 27 through 30, are a contrast to the first four verses. It emphasizes destructive behavior and its consequences by four different types of men or people, characters and their actions. Verse 27. “A worthless man plots evil and his speech is like a scorching fire. A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good. Whoever winks his eyes plans dishonest things, he who purses his lips brings evil to pass.” So, we’ve got four scoundrels here, don’t we? Four different types of people.

And the troublemaker in that verse 27, he plans, he’s plotting, he’s planning to dig up evil and then what he finds, his words spread like wildfire. And then the next person, the dishonest man, one who gossips and slanders, instead of sowing seeds of grace and peace, he is causing division and strife in relationships even amongst close friends. And I would imagine we’ve all seen the result of that in our lives. The person who tends towards violence often leads those that they are spending time with down the same path. That’s why parents are wise to prayerfully and carefully be aware of who their children choose as friends because, those that we spend time with, we tend to emulate their behavior, don’t they? It’s just human nature.

And then that last person, very often, those who are pursuing destructive behavior, exhibit tendencies making their intentions or their trajectory obvious. It’s very easy to watch somebody as they’re headed down a dark and destructive path, isn’t it? Well, then the last two verses in our passage, verse 31. “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” And I promise that we didn’t choose this passage because of that verse. I laughed when I saw that. So, one commentary suggests that this means that if we lead a lifelong trajectory, a pursuit of righteousness, what Eugene Peterson calls a long obedience in the same direction, that we make it to older age and, therefore, have gray hair, that that’s the result of a life spent pursuing righteousness.

And then this last, verse 32. “Whoever is slow to anger [quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger] is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” There’s such a benefit in being able to control your anger, to hold your peace, to keep your powder dry as some people say, there’s so much benefit in that, that the Proverbs says, man, that’s a much better benefit than being the strongest man or woman in the weight room at the gym. That real strength, real power, that the ability to enact change that we talked about comes from self-control. What a great little passage.

So, we zoomed in there on this little 12-verse section. Well, if we zoom out and take a quick look at the whole book very quick, look at the whole book of Proverbs, there’s verses about the wise and foolish use of words all throughout. And on the next two slides, there’s a few verses that give us an idea of how God doesn’t want us to use our words and how God does want us to use our words. And I’m not going to read all of them for time’s sake but, I encourage you, take some time to look these up because one of our biggest desires for all of us in this study is to create a hunger and a desire for all of us to pursue wisdom and to dig into this book.

So, first, how does God not want us to use our words? There are some verses up there that we see. Rashly, He doesn’t want us to use our words rashly. Proverbs 29:20 says, “There’s more hope for a fool than for a man hasty in his words.” Deceitfully. This one is very starkly clear. Proverbs 12:22 tells this that “lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.” It’s pretty clear, isn’t it? Boastfully. 25:14 says, “Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.” Not that he does not have but that he does not give. We are not meant to be boastful.

And manipulatively. Verse 20:19 says, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets.” And friends, if someone’s talking trash to you about somebody else, eventually, they’re going to be talking trash about you to someone else. And a good rule of thumb about slander or gossip is saying something behind someone’s back that you would never say to them in person. And then the opposite is flattery, saying something to a person’s face for reasons of your own, for an agenda of your own, saying something to a person’s face that you’d never say about them to anybody else. That’s the difference between slander and gossip and flattery.

Again, if any of these are making you squirm, you’re not alone because, reading those, they just make me squirm because I see myself at different times in all of those, man. Well, here’s some relief for our squirming. How does God want us to use our words? Gently. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away anger,” and that is 100% true. I have seen it happen, both a gentle answer coming out of my mouth and somebody else answering me gently when I’m losing my temper. Sparingly. Chapter 21:23 says, “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” There’s an old saying “Better to keep silent and be thought a fool rather than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

Thoughtfully. Chapter 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Not only do the words we use matter but the timing and the context. We can trust a brother or sister in Christ to tell us the hard stuff, tell us the truth in love for the purpose of healing and wholeness. And we can also be the same way, faithfully speaking to a friend. Truthfully. This last one, okay, somehow, I’d never really read these two verses before, verse eight and nine of chapter 31, until this week. I’ve read that chapter hundreds of times and these two verses just popped out. “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Wow. Now, friends, that is how God wants us to use our words. Amen? Man, whew. Well, so this common sense, bottom shelf wisdom, I love the practicality of it. It’s just plug and play, it’s ready to go, but there’s another layer, isn’t there, another layer to using our words wisely. Beyond just for the benefit that we get from it, how do we use our words in light of the cross? How do we make wise use of our words and point people to Jesus? So, I think there’s at least three reasons for us to use our words wisely.

The first reason is our words have authority; they have power. Again, power can be defined as the ability to make change. There’s a great story in Luke 7 about this Roman centurion who has this beloved servant who is ill and he’s near death. This centurion knows Jesus is in Capernaum, so he sends some Jewish elders to ask Jesus if He would come and pray for and heal his servant. Jesus agrees, so they’re on their way to the man’s house and the man sends some people out to meet Him and he says, “I’m not even worthy of You coming to my house, that’s why I didn’t even come to You myself. But You just speak the word, and my servant will be healed.”

And he says, “Look, I have authority. I have soldiers and servants that are under my authority, I speak the word and they go, and they do. You have that authority.” And Jesus was amazed at this man’s faith because he recognized his own earthly authority, but he recognized Jesus’ authority. Jesus spoke the word and the servant was healed.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Friends, our words have the power to heal, to hurt, to give life, to tear it down. Listen to this list of words and the power they hold in them: “I love you. Cancer. You’re fired. Yes. Loser. I’m sorry. I forgive you. It is finished.” Our words have authority and power. There’s no question about that, the question is how will we use them. Will we use them as weapons offensively to hurt somebody or defensively to protect ourselves or will we use them as instruments to heal and to give life?

Think of the difference between a sword and a scalpel. Both are sharp, both cut, but one is used to hurt, one is used to heal. Our words have power. Because they have this power and authority, they also carry a weight of accountability. Our words require accountability and responsibility. How many of us have ever said something and, as soon as the words are out of your mouth, you’re just like, “Oh, I want to get them back.” I can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me. We’re accountable and responsible for the words we use.

Fiction writer Jodi Picoult, I think that’s how you pronounce her last name, she says it like this in one of her books, “Words are like eggs dropped from great heights, you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.” And that is the truth, isn’t it? I love humor and wit so much, as much as the next person, but humor’s cruel cousin, sarcasm, can be really destructive. Especially as believers, our words come with accountability and responsibility, and I’d just like to ask you to consider this. We are not our own, we belong to Jesus, even our words.

Jesus said in Matthew’s gospel, “I tell you on the day of judgment, people will give account for every careless word they speak.” It’s easy to be careless with our words but we’re called to a higher standard. We’re called to a higher standard because our words articulate and communicate eternity. It’s so important and this is where that phrase “listen to understand, speak to serve” gets its wings, doesn’t it? Because we’re communicating and articulating eternity to those we come in contact with.

Francis Schaeffer was famous for saying that, if he had an hour to spend with somebody, he’d spend 55 minutes listening to their story and then just five minutes talking to them and telling them about the Gospel. We listen to our neighbor and then speak grace and peace to them. Paul talks about this in chapter four of Ephesians, he says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion,” wisdom applied, “that it may give grace to those who hear.” Are we giving grace to those with whom we speak? Building them up, not with flattery, but by speaking the truth in love? Are we articulating eternity to them in our conversations?

So, looking back to those three questions we asked at the beginning of this, man, I’d like for you to consider these and think about them as you go through your week because our words matter. How do you speak to God? What is that conversation like? How do you speak to others? What are those conversations like? What could they be like? How do you speak to yourself? Boy, regarding that last question, how do you speak to yourself? Do you speak to yourself with unrealistic flattery or like a doting grandmother who can find no fault in you? Or grandfather. Sorry, grandmothers, not picking on you. Or do you speak to yourself abusively, like a drill sergeant who can see no redemption or good in you at all? Do you speak to yourself like that, or do you preach the Gospel to yourself, speaking the truth in love?

Because here’s the truth about you, something Tim Keller said once, “If you were a hundred times worse than you are, your sins would be no match for His mercy.” That is the truth about me and about you. God’s mercy is so much greater than all that we’ve ever done or could do. I’ll close with this Kevin DeYoung quote, “To be a Christian is to be a person who cares about words. We care about definitions and implications. Our aim is not to be contentious or obstreperous. Our aim is to be true and to speak in a way that strengthens the truth. We care about words because words communicate ideas and ideas have consequences. We pay attention to language because God has revealed Himself through it. Words matter to God. They should matter to us.”

Friends, listen to understand, speak to serve. Amen? Let’s pray: Jesus, You rescue us, and You pull us out of the pit. You speak words of life to us; You speak words of grace and peace while we’re a long ways from feeling gracious and peaceful. Help us lean into You, Lord. Help us fall at Your feet and receive from You grace and peace and wisdom and life – all from You, Lord. Amen.