1 Peter 3

Discussion Questions

1. We are designed to be in and to glorify God through relationships. Are we being present with each other? Patient with each other? Bearing with one another? If not, how can we work to cultivate this? How can we better align our vertical relationship with God and horizontal relationships with our family, friends and neighbors?
2. We were created to live in community. How can you connect with and plug into the community of faith? How can you grow roots and bear fruit here at The Village Chapel?
3. What does blessing others look like? How can we be on the lookout for opportunities to bless those around us at work, at home, at the grocery store, and in every aspect of our lives?

Transcript

We study through books of the Bible here at The Village Chapel, and we have some extra copies. If you didn’t bring one with you, maybe I can get somebody to jump up over here and grab a stack to hand out. Anybody need a copy, raise your hand up real high. We’ll get you a copy of the text so you can follow along. There’s also, up on the screen I believe, the QR code if you would like the notes and quotes in advance. Glad to have you with us today for our study of the third chapter of 1 Peter, and glad to have those folks joining us online.

By the way, over the last month, these are the most number of people from different countries that have joined us here at The Village Chapel online. United States, Poland, Canada, United Kingdom, Australia, Philippines, and India are those countries joining us, and I’m just so thrilled. Last week alone, we heard from some folks from Bengaluru, India, and we heard from folks here in the States from Mansfield, Ohio, from Orlando, Florida, and from Grove City, Pennsylvania. I know we’ve got a few Grove City fans here somewhere. Yeah, I heard there’s a couple of them back there. That’s good.

1 Peter, Chapter 3. What a great letter this is, probably written around 19… No, not 19, but 62, not Beatles era, but way before the Beatles. It’s 62 to 63, right in there; the Apostle Peter is writing. The emperor is a man named Nero who reigned from 54 AD to 68 AD, I believe it was. Very violent and angry man toward Christians, very difficult time to be a Christian. As Peter is writing, there’s a great deal of suffering going on with Christians, and he’s writing in the middle of all of that. They’re trying to make sense of their lives in a fallen world and an angry world, in a world that marginalizes and is actually violent toward Christians.

What does it mean to be a follower of Jesus? What does it look like to be separate unto Christ, to be holy, to be set apart to Christ, and to set apart Christ in our hearts as Lord? And it looks different as we read through these chapters here in 1 Peter, verse 1 of Chapter 3 says “In the same way….” In what way? In the same way as has been referenced in Chapter 2. You might look at verse 13, you might look at verse 18, where the same kind of word is used here in the same way.

He says, “…you wives, be submissive to your own husband, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, and putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For this is the way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she’s a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Verses 1 through 7 of this chapter are beautiful and certainly give us some instruction that would really make us look different in the world in which we live, as well as different in the world in which they lived. That said, these verses have been used, sadly, over the years, to justify spousal abuse and domineering of some husbands over their wives. But notice a couple of the things that are said here. First of all, this does not say all women must submit to all men. It doesn’t say that. This is for marriage, the institution of marriage, so let’s start there. Secondly, it seems to me that there’s a telos, a purpose that’s higher than merely the prescription of order or the prescription of structure within the marriage. That telos, that purpose, is to win the unbelieving husband, and it seems that that’s the case, so that “they may be won,” verse seven, “without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

Then he says in verse 3, “Don’t let your adornment be merely…” And I know merely in some of your Bibles is in italics in the New American standard, which I’m using. It’s in italics, which means it’s implied. It’s not actually in the Greek, but it is implied strong enough that the English translators posted it there in italics so that we would understand that this isn’t saying don’t braid your hair, don’t wear jewelry, and certainly it’s not saying don’t put on dresses. It’s just saying when you adorn yourself, don’t let it just be external. Think about more than just external adornment and beauty. And so, he encourages them to do that. “…let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of gentle and quiet spirit.”

And then he references an Old Testament example of a couple, if they had any knowledge whatsoever of the Old Testament. He’s writing to what could be a mixture of Gentiles and Jews living in Asia minor at the time. Peter is writing to the folks that are there, as we learned in verse 1 of Chapter 1, they’re in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia. This is an area south of the Black Sea. This is an area that we now call the nation of Turkey.

And so, as he’s writing to them, he is a married man himself. Sometimes people read this, and they go, “Has Peter ever met a woman? Does he even know what it’s like to be married?” You could ask that kind of question reading this kind of thing. Especially reading it with the lens of our day and hearing it with the way we understand the husband-wife relationship in our own day and time. And let’s remember as we study this 2000-year-old text, it was written in a time that had a context, and we’re reading it in a time that has a context; so, it’s really important that we remember that, so we do the right and good work of rightly dividing it and understanding it. I believe it’s 2 Timothy 2:15, talks about rightly dividing the Word of Truth, and “dividing” is a word there that farmers would use when they were going to lay out a field.

They would lay out, they would dig rows, even rows, straight rows, and plant their seeds so they’d have a nice crop, and it would be ordered, well ordered. And this is the same thing that God is essentially doing when He gives us scripture like this and calls us to rightly divide it. He wants us to do that. We understand that His goal and His desire is not the chaos and anarchy that we see out in the world around us, but the kind of ordered world, the kind of well-ordered relationships that we really long for, that we want, that bring peace and that bring harmony. And look at that. I love that word “harmony,” because look at verse 8 with me, 8 and 9. “To sum up, let all,” and please circle that “all” in your Bible. You can circle in the pew Bible too if you want. That’s an important three-letter word there, “all.” “Let all,” that means husbands, husbands and wives, wives who have unbelieving husbands, wives who have believing husbands, husbands that have believing wives, husbands that have unbelieving wives. It means let all.

This is an encyclical. This is a letter that is going out to a region. It’s not just got Bobby and Joe and Sue and all these specific people in mind. It’s got everybody in mind. And so, he says, “…let all be,” and I love this, “harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit. Not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” There are blessings to be had. There are blessings abounding for those who study God’s Word, who want to live their lives in accordance with God’s Word. And I’m currently going through the flourishing life and the Beatitudes in my podcast, Timeless Truth, and I’m overwhelmed by the paradoxical nature of each of these statements.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn.” When you read those beatitudes, if you just read them on the surface, you start seeing this is quite a paradoxical thing that God has called us into His kingdom to live there, to be sort of citizens of His kingdom first, so that we can then be good citizens of this world as well. Then, as I follow Jesus, as I put Him first, I can be a better husband. As I put Him first, I can be a better pastor, better citizen of Nashville, citizen of Tennessee, and of the United States.

I’m so excited to tell you today that my wife and I are approaching our 46th wedding anniversary. It’s really hard work, for her, and a lot easier for me. When we first met, I was a 20-year-old lifeguard at church camp. She was 16 and weighed about 80 pounds, I think she did. Whether it was the authority of the lifeguard whistle, my Baywatch-red bathing suit, my Starsky and Hutch haircut, or my then much thinner gangly frame, whether it was my brown velvet bell-bottom pants complete with a matching brown velvet bow tie; Kim says she knew from that moment where this was all heading.

I have to admit I did not have a clue. A couple of years later, Kim was 18, I was 22 and starting to get a clue, but after we had dated for about two weeks, I took her out for a nice pizza dinner, and I wanted to let her know that I generally did not date anyone for much longer than two weeks. She finished her pizza and ordered dessert. Looking back, I’m not really sure why she didn’t walk away right then, but somehow, she saw things that I couldn’t see at the time. Her seeing things that I cannot see continues to this day. To my surprise, I kept asking her out. We kept dating and not long after, I started seeing things. And soon we began using the M word. After a few more months, I mustered up the courage to ask Kim’s parents if I could have her hand in marriage, and they kindly told me no.

Evidently, they could see some things too. Captain Sid Wright, he knew that I was young, did not have my college degree, and earned about 50 bucks a week draw against commission in a job where I was selling radio airtime, which was quite a promising career. I’m not sure. Kim had not finished college yet, and she had not dated around much. Perhaps they could see that she could do better than me, which I get. I totally get that. Several months later, we’d asked them three times now if we could get married, and three times they said no, but Kim and I were both committed to gaining their blessing and so after much patience and prayer; God began to open their eyes to see something different. And so, we got married when Kim was 20 and I was 24, and here we are – husband and wife for 46 years. We could be your parents, most of you, anyway, in the room. And that’s a scary thought. Yeah, for us and for you, probably.

As a pastor, I’ve lost count of the number of couples I’ve walked up to their wedding day and their ceremony. Sadly, not all of them are still together, but most of them are, and I’m so appreciative for that. As I’ve grown older, I’ve gained a new appreciation for the wisdom Kim’s parents exhibited so many years ago, and I believe they were doing their duty as loving parents. We can all learn from the experience of submitting to authorities higher than the self in the moment. Oh, my goodness, it made no sense to us at all. Why not? Why not now? And yet years later we can kind of see the value. When I first meet with engaged couples as a pastor and they want me to officiate their wedding, I do my best to persuade them that marriage is a gift of God – that it is beautiful, that it is precious, that is both beautiful and fragile and valuable, and that for Bible believers it’s a sacred covenant that we did not design, nor invent, nor do we control it ourselves.

And that’s why it’s not to be entered into lightly, especially if the couple are propelled by unrealistic romantic notions of perpetual bliss in marriage. I remind engaged couples that no matter whom you marry, you always marry a sinner, and no matter whom you marry, you always marry way over your head. I remind them that they need to be careful about who they choose to marry, not to make decisions that are that big merely based on feelings or desires that are welling up within you at the moment, but to think it through, to get wise counsel and advice, including your parents. And it’s easier to remain single and wish you were married than it is to be married and wish you were single. And I know that from being a pastor and talking with a lot of couples who have struggled in their marriages. Kim and I, and her parents too, when they were alive, have always looked to Scripture for guidance on these issues. While we would prefer to find there a detailed map complete with street names, what we often find is a compass reminding us that there’s a true north.

I think that’s really important, and that if we head in the direction of true north, the Holy Spirit will lead us and guide us in the details of each twist and turn. Your marriage does not look like the marriage that Kim and I have. In the hardest time in our marriage, we were living in Philadelphia, and we decided to go to a counselor, and it was kind of an interesting experience. It was a good experience, but it was an interesting experience, and at one point we both left one of the counseling appointments, angry at the counselor. And I still to this day think the counselor did this on purpose. It was like some kind of reverse psychology or something, but I think they literally put themselves on one side of the table and posted us on the other side so that we would leave as allies instead of enemies.

And we talked it over and we both found ourselves, for the first time, agreeing on something in a long time; and that was a bit of a turning point for us. But no two marriages are the same, and I share that with engaged couples as well when we’re walking them up to their wedding ceremony here at The Village Chapel. The kind of information that you hear in the first seven verses of 1 Peter, Chapter 3 do not mean that your marriage needs to be the same model that might’ve been the norm in the 1950s, for instance. Some of you may have felt that or heard that in your parents or in your grandparents or something like that. Kim and I experienced a little bit of that because I had some things in me that I thought were, “This is the way it’s done.”

When you get married to someone, you’re both coming from norms, a context of norms, and you bring your norms together and your norms sometimes clash. And it was normal for me, my sweet mom was a little more traditional, a little more old school, and so some of the traditional tasks around the house, I saw them as being in the category of stuff that my sweet wife would do. And so, what we did, which I thought was really brilliant, we swapped roles for – how long was it, honey? A week? Or two weeks. And so, she did all the things that I normally did, and I did all the things she normally did, and we were both pretty eager at the end of two weeks to get back to the other norm, to swap back to the original.

And I have to say I’ve actually found great joy now. I’m a bit of a connoisseur with a vacuum cleaner. I’m aware of brands and I’m aware of features and attachments and things like that. And so, some of the stuff that for me was traditional has changed, and that’s been really, really good. This is so beautiful, this text right here, because it’s not about those kinds of details. It’s not about who cooks; it’s not about who cleans the house. Did you notice that? It’s not about those details. It’s not about the street names. It’s about true north. It’s about a bigger picture. It’s about a demeanor, an attitude, sort of your spirit, your tone within the relationship. And so, in your relationships, and this whole chapter I think is really about that, we want to look to Christ. He’s our model. Peter even begins that chapter with “In the same way…” and he’s talking about in the same way that Jesus is our model of not only suffering, but also submission.

Jesus is our model of submission. Why He submitted Himself to the cross, before that He submitted Himself to the Father’s will to go to the cross, and He suffered. He knew what all of that’s like. And so, in the same way, we’re supposed to, all of us, do the same thing. And I think this is really fascinating. I think it’s really amazing. Stott says,

“God created us as social beings. Love is the greatest thing in the world. For God is love, and when He made us in His own image, He gave us the capacity to love and be loved. So, we need each other. Yet marriage and family are not the only antidotes to loneliness.”
John Stott

And what he’s going to go on there and talk about is friendship.

And I want to make sure that this church doesn’t just hold up here and say, “Everybody should be married.” No. Some of you are called to the gift that singleness is, but that doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be lonely, and that’s what a community is all about. We’re supposed to, as an institution, also look to Christ, also suffer and submit to one another. As a matter of fact, in Ephesians 5:21, the Apostle Paul writes that we’re to all submit to one another. He talks about that. So, I want to encourage us all to think in bigger terms and get less caught up in interpreting through the lens of our own particular day with all of what’s gone wrong in the world here. Then we’ve got to fight it and we’ve got to yell and scream and holler, get angry and cancel everybody that talks like Peter. No, there’s gold here, if we will look for it.

There is chaos out there. I think it’s pretty easy to see. I don’t think I have to stand up here and harp on how our world is intellectually confused, how our world is morally bankrupt, how we find ourselves saying over and over again, “Is this the best we can do as citizens?” And that’s because the world, as it thinks and acts apart from God, apart from a God who speaks, not just spirituality, not just God as you imagine God to be, but a God who actually says, “Here are some beautiful truths that can make your relationships healthier.” And you can nurture great and wonderful relationships. I love this. What can we learn from 1 Peter, Chapter 3? Well, let me finish reading the chapter, and then I’m going to go back and give you a couple summary points. But I love this. “To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted and humble in spirit.”

We’re going to take a step back into 8 and 9, because I think 8 and 9 are really the key verses in this chapter. “Not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.” What if we did that? What if you just did that with the people you live in your household with? “For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing”. Then he goes on to quote from Psalm 34. “Let him who means to love life and see good days, refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking guile.” There’s a proscription, a prohibition. Don’t do this. Refrain from this. And it’s pretty practical. And again, the sort of road-rage culture we live in, the river of rancor that people go down to get baptized in as they get up on social media and yell and scream at each other and think they can mic drop everything and say the thing that silences all other arguments. No, don’t fall into that. Don’t be drawn into that.

“Let him turn away from evil and do good.” Oh yeah, now we’re getting the prescriptions. We had the proscripts. Don’t do this. Refrain from using your words like speaking guile and all that sort of thing. “Turn away from evil. Do good. Seek peace and pursue it, for the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous.” What that means is the Lord approves of what He sees in those who are living righteous lives, and His ears attend to their prayer. I love this. “But,” and that’s a word of contrast, “the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” You got to let that sink in. I don’t think you want the face of the Lord against you. And as your pastor I say, open your eyes to see what has just been said. You’ve been exhorted, positively and negatively as well. You’ve received some instruction on what to do and what not to do, and it’s practical, and it influences your relationships. It should.

“And who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation and do not be troubled.” He’s quoting from Isaiah 8 there. The idea is that the watching world around us, when they see you suffer even for the sake of righteousness, will attempt to intimidate and to make you fearful. And if you go back into the marriage relationship, husbands, you’re going to be fearful, wives, you’re going to be fearful, because all around you, the rest of the culture is trying to influence you to think a different way, to assert the self, to lean into worshiping at the altar of autonomy.

And yet we know that a society of more than one will not exist long if it worships at the altar of autonomy. It just can’t happen. We just grow into the cacophony of competing autobiographies. My story is more important than your story; therefore, I will run over top of you. My pride gets in the way, and what happens is we become prisoners to our own pride, and we get isolated, and our relationships are fractured and falling apart.

Verse 15 is so powerful. This is another one of the key verses right here. “But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.” Do you see the tone again? Here’s the tone, and listen, that’s so hard. I’m so naturally not gentle. I’m so naturally irreverent, and he calls me to be gentle and reverent. “Keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered,” people saying bad about you, “those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.”

In other words, your behavior proves them liars. Your behavior proves them wrong as they slander you. This is really the third great section of this chapter, “For Christ also died for sins once and for all. The just [that’s Christ] for the unjust [that’s me] in order that He [Christ] might bring us all to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit, in which also He went and made proclamation to the spirits now in prison.”

Who in the world is he talking about, Verse 19? And the answer is, not really sure. I’m really okay to say that. Could be Jude 6, could be 2 Peter 2:4, references to some Old Testament folks who have gone on and died before the time of Christ and He goes to them and makes proclamation. I don’t know though. I’m not sure. You go study that and when you find and you got it solid, somebody write me an email and let me know, okay? I know a couple of you are going to write to me. I’m sure of it. “Who once [these spirits] were disobedient, when the patience of God kept waiting in the days of Noah during the construction of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through the water.”

He’s referencing a space/time history event that these folks would’ve known about if they had read their Old Testament or were aware of their Bible, the old Testament in that time. “Corresponding to that baptism now saves you – not the removal of dirt from the flesh,” that is not the physical act itself. That’s not what saves you, and we’re getting ready to do our baptism. I’m so excited about our baptism. It is an outward expression of an inward reality. We’re united with Christ in His death, His burial, and His resurrection when we rise up out of the water in newness of life. We practice immersion or believer’s baptism here at The Village Chapel. And so, it’s a full immersion experience. And yes, I hold some of them down longer than others, that’s true, and then bring them up, and it’s newness of life. It’s such a beautiful celebration as we are identified with Christ in His death, burial, and resurrection, and rising in that newness of life.

And we have an appeal to God for a good conscience through the resurrection of Jesus in our confession of faith at baptism, who’s at the right hand of God having gone into heaven after angels and authorities and powers had been subjected to Him. Isn’t that interesting? The one who has shown us what submission is, has all things subjected to Him, and this is our Bible. It is paradoxical. The Gospel is so beautiful in that way.

I have two points for my sermon and four quotes for you. Our relationship with Christ must come first. He must be our example in God in ALL our relationships. I wanted to put that in all caps. Maybe for the next service, I’ll put the “all” in all caps. Our relationship with Christ must come first. He must be preeminent. He must be first in everything we do, in the way we see our spouse if we’re married, or in the way we, if we work, we see our co-workers, our neighbors, whatever it is we’re doing, our family member. Jesus is our example in God in all of our relationships. He submitted Himself to the plans of God the Father. He suffered death that we might live. He turned both submission and suffering into glory. Can we do that now? Yes. Why? Because the life of Christ is in us.

Husbands, wives, single folks, employers, employees, Nashvillians – no matter where you come from, no matter what your socioeconomic status is; you are invited into the kingdom of heavens. Jesus has done everything necessary for you to come in with joy and receive the new life, the new heart that He wants to give you to be new creatures in Christ. We must look to Christ to understand what it means to love, to serve, to walk in relationship with others in each and every relationship we have.

Secondly, the indicatives of the New Testament, of the New Testament Gospel as well, provide the unquenchable hope that our relationships can be transformed as we sanctify Christ as Lord in our hearts. As a pastor, I’ve also had the great joy of seeing relationships restored that were really on the rocks, that were headed out the door for ruin, even on this very platform. I remarried a couple who had been here for a while, and over the years had divorced. He had moved to the West Coast; he moved back here. I didn’t know he had come back. I got a call from him out of the blue one day.

He said, “Jim, my ex-wife and I are thinking about getting together. Can we get together with you and talk?” I looked at Kim. What do you do with that? I immediately said, “No.” He said, “We think God’s doing something.” I said, “That’s exactly right, and I don’t want to get in the way of what God’s doing, so call me after He’s done something already.” And so, they called about a month later, and I had the great joy and privilege of remarrying them right up here on this same platform with about 50 people laying their hands on them and praying for them. And it was just a beautiful thing.

I’ve seen other relationships that were completely headed for death, for ruin, turned around in the most beautiful of ways by the power of the Gospel and the Holy Spirit at work in their lives. Do not become a prisoner to your own pride and block what Jesus has shown us in His own life and what the New Testament teaches us about the kind of things that Jesus can do in our lives. Don’t become a prisoner to your own pride in your relationships simply because of the way the culture does it or simply because of the way that you’re fearful. And remember, he cautions us about fear here in this chapter. Don’t be afraid. You don’t need to be afraid to trust God. Will people let us down? Yes, they will. Will even the people that say they love us let us down? Yes, they will, but Jesus will never let us down. And so, we trust Him. We turn to Him; we trust Him.

This text does not teach, especially in the first seven verses, inequality – that all women as a category are in submission to all men as a category. Additionally, this text should never be used to justify spousal abuse or manipulation. It shouldn’t be used by a husband to demand his wife turn away from faith in Christ. It shouldn’t be used by a husband to try to get his wife to engage in some sinful activity. If a husband has committed adultery, it shouldn’t suggest that the wife has no biblical recourse whatsoever and must just endure the indignity of her husband’s unfaithfulness.

As a matter of fact, nowhere in the entire New Testament has God commanded women to mindlessly subjugate themselves to men like that, and nowhere in Scripture is there anything less than the teaching we have here for believing husbands that their duty is to love their wives, to lay down their lives for their wives, to honor their wives as we see there in verse 7. As a matter of fact, verse 7, while it’s only one verse, I submit to you that it’s the more difficult set of instructions and exhortations. To lay down your life to honor another person, especially if you don’t feel like they’ve been behaving the way that you would like them to, is very difficult to do.

And then verses 8 and 9 become even more difficult. Here’s what God’s instruction for imperishable beauty in wives looks like. It looks like actions. It looks like adornment that’s internal as well as external, that is attractive but not merely seductive. I think what the New Testament would say to women is don’t merely dress to be seductive for every man that happens to come along, but attractive, yes, totally. I think it’s wonderful. But let your adornment also be of the inside, the heart, the soul, the spirit, the tone in your marriage. I think it’s so important. Attitude, it’s all manifest there in attitude as well, and in attentiveness. To show you just how that has worked down through history, and I know that it ebbs and flows a little bit, but some of you will know of Augustine. Kim mentioned him earlier when she, in the classic prayer today here in the worship service that was from Ambrose, the Bishop of Milan, who was a key individual in the conversion of Augustine of Hippo.

In 397 AD, Augustine wrote a treatise that some of you will know called The Confessions. In it, he described the faithful witness of his Christian mother; Monica is her name. And look at what this mother and wife of a husband, Augustine’s dad, look at what her testimony before, not only her husband but her testimony before her son, did. “She served her husband as her master and did all she could to win him for You,” meaning God, this is Augustine’s prayer to God, “speaking to him [the husband] of You [God] by her conduct, by which You [God] made her beautiful…. Finally, when her husband [his father] was at the end of his earthly span, [when he was dying] she gained him for You.” She won him for Christ with that disposition.

Now you can look up there and you can see that, and I know some of you with your modern sensibilities and myself even, I got to be honest, it strikes me as a little outside of the norm of what I might think of but look at the impact on the life of the husband at his last breath. He spends eternity now with God because of that wife, who had a beautiful life lived in response to what she believed God would have her do. And then that impact also on her son Augustine – who, man, what an impact he has had on the world as well for husbands. I think the call here is for engagement. Live with your wives in an understanding way.

I fully and freely admit that I think differently than my wife does. When we watch Everybody Loves Raymond together, we’re both just going… I’m just like Raymond. I don’t get it, most of the time. I didn’t see things early on when we were dating, as I told you earlier. We don’t see things, but we need to be understanding with one another. Engagement means you’re actually present. All of us men aren’t that way. At the men’s retreat, I’m not kidding, you go around the men’s retreat, guys are sitting like 10 at a table picnic table or whatever, and there’s only one guy talking, and the other guys are grunting, and that’s all it is.

And we’re okay with that, “Yo. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Just kidding. Yeah.” And I’ve stepped in and visited, been at the women’s retreat before, where there’d be like three or four conversations going on, and every single woman at the table is actually dialed into every single conversation at the table. They actually know what’s being said. They’re tracking with it. I don’t know how to do that. I wish I knew how to do that. I do not have the tools. But I need to be engaged. We need to be understanding husbands, respecting and honoring. Notice what Peter says, “as joint heirs.” See? So, when God, back to the creation, He took, what did he take from Adam? A rib to create a woman. He didn’t take something from up above, and he certainly didn’t take something from down below. Partners is what it is. It’s close to the heart, a rib, and it’s a beautiful image to think of that.

To its original readers of 1 Peter, think about this for a second. Here we are, so many years later, we’re kind of scratching our heads a little bit, but think of the first century people, and in the Roman Empire, where Greek culture permeated the whole place, and their view was that women were little more than property. You see how radical this is, for him to tell husbands to lay down their lives for their wives, to honor their wives, to treat them as co-heirs? That’s the most radical thing about that chapter. Even though on our side, 2000 years ago, some of us think the first seven verses or the first few verses are the more radical statement. No, to the first hearers, that seventh verse is wildly, wildly crazy. Live with your wives in an understanding way. Enter their world. What’s important to her, what’s bothering her? What thrills her? What puts wind in her sails? Have you an understanding way with your spouse, husbands? Honor your wife, husbands.

Peter Cetera, some of you will know of him, he was the front man, lead singer, and bassist also for the band Chicago. His first solo album was produced by Michael Omartian, who’s a friend of some of us here in The Village Chapel. Cetera’s first hit single was released back in 1986 on the soundtrack for Karate Kid II. How many saw the movie? About half of you. Okay, that’s good. It was called The Glory of Love in which he sings, “I am a man who will fight for your honor. I’ll be the hero you are dreaming of. We’ll live forever, knowing together, we did it all for the glory of love. You keep me standing tall. You help me through it all. I’m always strong when you are beside me. I have always needed you. I could never make it alone.”

That’s a modern man singing to his significant other. I don’t know who he’s singing to. I’m assuming he’s singing to his wife.  In 1986, Kim and I had been married just a little bit. Every now and then when that song would come on, we’re driving around in the car, I literally reach over, hold her hand up like this. “I am a man who will fight for your honor…” and I get weepy in the car there, and she’s going, “Oh!” And the people driving by are honking because I’m veering out of my lane, and I’m fighting for her honor. So, listen, rarely will we agree on all the topics of marriage.

“Rarely will we agree on all the topics of marriage. Rarely will we agree on the exact proper use of money, or the exact proper amount of sexual intimacy, or the exact proper way to handle the children. God did not design everyone to agree exactly on all these matters. Rather, God redeems and enables husbands and wives to reflect Christ and the Church amidst their disagreements, and to grow in love for one another under every circumstance. This love tends to be expressed through gracious speech, humble listening, eagerness to serve and longing for Christ to be magnified in our marriages.”
Dr. John Henderson, Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage

And the same thing goes for all of our relationships. I want to see Christ magnified in all of my relationships. That’s why verse 8 and 9 are so important. “Harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, humble in spirit, not vengeful or vindictive, giving blessings…” Please today, here’s some homework: Bless verbally five people before you go to bed the night. “Blessings on you. I bless you. Thank you. Bless you.” When you’re leaving the restaurant, “Thank you. Bless you.” To the person who’s waiting on your table, “Thank you. Bless you.” To your friends, to the people you’re standing next to. Lots of blessings. Let them flow. I think that’s what we’re called to be doing more and more.

One of my favorite theologians today is a lady, actually, Fleming Rutledge. She’s an Episcopalian theologian. She says,

“The Christian community, when it is working properly, offers men and women a way of being related to one another that cuts across all the things that divide us… There is nothing else in human life that levels distinctions and creates new relationships like the knowledge that one has been saved by grace.”
Fleming Rutledge, Means of Grace

You got to keep reminding yourself of that Gospel right there.

Couple of weeks ago, Kim and I heard Chris Wright, he’s a good friend of ours, give a message in which he actually quoted a Palestinian pastor. Think about this, in this moment in history. This is a Christian Palestinian pastor who lives in Bethlehem. He said, “Satan wants us to shape our relationships around what he is doing in the world.” Think of that. Because sometimes it’s shiny and attractive. Sometimes it really is selling well. “Satan wants us to shape our relationships around what he’s doing in the world. God wants us to shape our relationships around what the Lord Jesus has already done for us.” Yeah, beautiful.

And I’ll close with this one. “It’s the cross that allows us, no, demands of us, that we put down our weapons and let go of our anger. There God’s righteous anger against us was appeased. Now He calls us to the same forgiveness…” Let it flow in our relationships. Let them be ruled by grace and kindness rather than by bitterness and revenge. If you agree, please say “Amen.” Let’s pray:

Lord, teach us what it means to find our identity in being followers of Jesus first, what it means to deny ourselves and pick up a cross and follow You, Jesus. Teach us what it means to embrace and what it means to follow You and to be different in a world that often seems contrary and at odds with our faith. Teach us what it means to honor others, to love, sacrificially, others. Teach us what it means to lay down, lay aside, our pride, to look to build unity in Your church, in our homes, even at our places of work. Move us, Lord, by compassion rather than anger. Fill us to overflowing with blessings for others. Show us what it means to trust You and Your promises, even when the path we are on seems unfair, unjust, not right. Help us to sanctify Christ as Lord in our lives. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen and amen.